The decision to go back out and Squad Lead in 2022 for five months, though it is an amazing opportunity and something I am now really excited about, initially for me was not that way, AT ALL! I actually had to weigh with God in prayer and have him confirm it for me more than once! There was a lot of factors tied to this opportunity that I had to sit with and work through and wrestle with. Things like the weight of being a leader that would help shape peoples view of God and a form of responsibility for their safety as we travel the world, or the fact that I would have to come up with the funding for this endeavor. All though those are all really important factors I think the biggest thing I had to wrestle through was rather this was where God really wanted me for that season for that time and rather or not it lined up with His will for my life!
Surprising as it sounds, one would naturally think that “of course God would want you out on the mission field” but there was this movie called “free Burma rangers” (I highly recommend seeing this) and the speaker said something that really hit home and showed me that Gods plan for my life might not always just look like doing a lot of good things. He said ” I don’t want live my Christian walk in a way where I am just doing a bunch of good Christian things. I would much rather be obedient to the voice of God and fulfill the path and purpose that God has for me.” Which is so true! I’m not saying that missions is just another good Christian thing that doesn’t matter because it does, or really any other good thing for the Kingdom for that matter, but God has a specific plan and purpose for each individual to fill those roles and do those good things according to His purpose. Which makes you not walking in your purpose and just doing what you see as good might not always be what God has for you!
So before going on the race, I always kind of felt God had something for me after the race that might not involve missions work the way I desired and sure enough He would confirm that with a hard NO like every time I prayed into a country to come back too after the race ended for long term possibilities! So before I got asked to squad lead, I got asked first to come back out and Team lead, knowing that God had already said no in other areas, I was hoping God had maybe changed his mind about continuing the race and missions work after I had finished up the year. So prayed into it and got a hard no again, and not only a no but instructions to what he wanted for me after the race. So I declined the offer and denied myself and what I expected my idea of doing missions work to look like. Classic if you ask me, my ideas never look like what God has planned!
So after I got those directions from God, I began to make plans to work towards that. The only thing was, there was a large space of time before I could actually step into what He showed me. So I began to make plans for that space of time once again thinking it was the best idea in order to be best prepared for my next season and it didn’t involve stepping back into missions work immediately.
So about a month and a half goes and my mentor said “I know you’ve already said no but every time I pray into who Should be my male Squad Leader I keep getting you! So would you at least pray and see if this is what God has for you?” and let me tell you, she has an amazing track record in hearing Gods voice accurately. So I took a week to pray about it and God showed up and revealed His plan for me in that space of time, and He brought me back to a dream I had and used it to speak to me through it, showing me that He wanted to solidify and establish the things I had learned this year and this role as a Squad Leader would be the the way He would do it! Since in the dream I was playing football He told me I would need to gather speed and get my footing underneath me before I met my first defender and made my first juke. Completely opposite once again of the method I would of thought made sense! Which is crazy also because once I gave up my desire and trusted Him he gave it back to me in the most crazy way that I would of never expected.
Proverbs 16:9 The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.
So Yay to the plans of the Lord! I’m going back out in 2022!
